Am I any good at my job or do I suck? Yesterday I was all on Cloud 9, sifting through my new clients for 8 hours, feeling on top of the world and savvy and useful and good. Today one of my oldest clients said she wants to get a new coach. Trying to be zen about it, failing miserably. Is it because I don’t actually know what I’m doing?
And now the fear, the stuff’s-going-to-fall-out-from-under-me fear. And the fact that, looking into it and reading the new ADHD book I have to read, I wonder how much of that is because of Sean and because something has always been pulled out from under me. Have I just gotten so used to that that it feels reasonable? Do I need to reconsider?
Or…do I need to beef up my skills/brace myself for a sudden loss of income?
What if I’m actually not that good at it? I’m not great at converting clients…I’ve lost 3 or 4 regulars now. That sucks, right? I’ve never gotten a 1-year client. That sucks too! What if I suuuuuck?
And on top of that, I’m tired. I wanted to type “exhausted” there, but it seemed melodramatic. I’m working a lot–in the morning, then coming back to do consults in the evening, spending a good 1.5 hours checking in with my clients on days off. Which isn’t THAT much, but it starts to seem like a lot. A lot of always being “on”.
And I am not doing the other things I want to do. Is that my fault? Bad time management? I mean, there’s got to be time in there to write and/or. Right?
What if I’m never the things I wanted and want to be? What if I just punch that time clock till the bitter end? What if I’m always afraid to buy a Roth IRA because I might lose my job? What if my relationship just keeps piddling along like a half-dead thing floating? Is that normal? That’s not normal. Argh.
My body is healthy and strong. I am active and athletic, and do not feel held back either physically or emotionally from the things I want to do in life.
I look good in my clothing. It is easy for me to find attractive, affordable, and fashionable clothing choices that suit me because I wear a size that’s available most anywhere.
I am happy with my career path. I feel fulfilled, useful, valuable and valued. I am content with the financial freedom my earnings allow me and my family.
I hold certifications in health coaching and in other similar areas, and I use them to coach clients both through corporate entities (like Vida) and on an individual basis. I am also either in the process of or actively designing a worksite wellness branch of my coaching.
I write. My short stories are published regularly because I A) write them, B) workshop them thoroughly, and C) submit them regularly. I also am either working on my novel or have completed and am moving on to other steps with my novel. I take my writing seriously, and I take myself seriously as an artist.
I enjoy my Etsy shop. I regularly select items to feature in it, photograph them promptly and keep it up-to-date. Because I have figured out my schedule, this is not an imposition and fits in nicely.
I regularly meet friends for lunch or coffee, and don’t hesitate to reach out to someone when I need or want company.
I am patient with my children, and enjoy the time I spend with them.
My husband and I thoroughly enjoy each other’s company. We go out regularly for date nights, and we plan things together that are active and fun and that we both enjoy. We also regularly host other couples or families for gatherings.
My house is neat and orderly enough to not be a humiliation, and I feel like it reflects my style and personality instead of just being a place to dump my shizz.
My attic and basement are not cluttered with crap I need to get rid of. I have gotten rid of it, and now there is room for things I love and value.
I save for retirement and college.
We travel to interesting places–my kids have been outside of the country and enjoy their time traveling to exotic locales.
I stir up trouble sometimes, I do.
I kind of like it.
This will come to a surprise to exactly no one who actually knows me, and probably not many people who don’t know me, as well. Mostly because, frankly, most of us kind-of sort-of get off on some degree of stirring up trouble.
Not to say, trolling. Or shitty stuff like that. More…going forward with something that you recognize will inspire backlash or annoyance or butthurtness or pursed-lip-expressions.
Yep. That’s going on my tombstone. Inspirer of Pursed-Lip Expressions!
But, yeah. Trouble. I stir it up.
I belong to this Facebook group (I know, I know, you stopped reading THERE) that is for a community of people trying to lose weight. Many/most of them had VSG surgery. And it’s populated by, as you can imagine, a pretty wide swath of the populace. (Hee!) And it’s verrrrry interesting to see what kind of nonsensical crap different people of differing educational levels in different parts of the country are recommended/TOLD to do by their different health professionals. But hell, that’s a topic rich enough for another day.
What has stood out to me, as I mostly ignore it but sometimes notice what people say, is that there are a whole lot of people who have seemingly traded in one psychological issue (food addiction?) for another (food restriction). And those people are NOT shy about pushing their superiority and judgement on others, as misguided and fraught with unhealth as they may be. (Is “unhealth” a word? Because it’s underlined in red. But I feel like it should be a word. IT IS NOW A WORD.) What’s sad is that these people are so often obviously suffering from what is pretty obviously very disordered eating. They certainly shouldn’t be advocating that other people adhere to their lifestyles. And what’s sadder than that is that there are plenty of people out there who could really benefit from bariatric surgery (not that everyone could/should–that some people are THERE. Or should be there.) who probably dismiss it entirely because they come across so many food nazis who give them the impression that everyone who has bariatric surgery spends the rest of their lives living in miserable deprivation, eating only xyz grams of lean protein per day, supplemented by a few ounces of approved vegetables. Ummm, no. And that wouldn’t be healthy. Or normal. Or OK, for chrissakes.
Anyway, these people drive me nuts. Don’t spew your crap all over everyone, mmkay? It’s not cool. So I sort of posted something sort of thumby-nose at them…punctuated by a “take that, haters and food nazis!”.
Well, actually, most of them left me alone. I just attracted one holier-than-though food nazi, who seemed to be under the mistaken impression that she is the only person who has the intelligence or wherewithal to navigate things. Sigh. Luckily, I consistently shut her down (nicely, mais of course!) with my brilliantly-written prose. GOOD THING I’M FUCKING BRILLIANT.