Yes or No? Please Check One

Am I any good at my job or do I suck? Yesterday I was all on Cloud 9, sifting through my new clients for 8 hours, feeling on top of the world and savvy and useful and good. Today one of my oldest clients said she wants to get a new coach. Trying to be zen about it, failing miserably. Is it because I don’t actually know what I’m doing?

And now the fear, the stuff’s-going-to-fall-out-from-under-me fear. And the fact that, looking into it and reading the new ADHD book I have to read, I wonder how much of that is because of Sean and because something has always been pulled out from under me. Have I just gotten so used to that that it feels reasonable? Do I need to reconsider?

Or…do I need to beef up my skills/brace myself for a sudden loss of income?

What if I’m actually not that good at it? I’m not great at converting clients…I’ve lost 3 or 4 regulars now. That sucks, right? I’ve never gotten a 1-year client. That sucks too! What if I suuuuuck?

And on top of that, I’m tired. I wanted to type “exhausted” there, but it seemed melodramatic. I’m working a lot–in the morning, then coming back to do consults in the evening, spending a good 1.5 hours checking in with my clients on days off. Which isn’t THAT much, but it starts to seem like a lot. A lot of always being “on”.

And I am not doing the other things I want to do. Is that my fault? Bad time management? I mean, there’s got to be time in there to write and/or. Right?

What if I’m never the things I wanted and want to be? What if I just punch that time clock till the bitter end? What if I’m always afraid to buy a Roth IRA because I might lose my job? What if my relationship just keeps piddling along like a half-dead thing floating? Is that normal? That’s not normal. Argh.

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